At ten weeks to go...
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Time does fly fast when you're having fun and when everything's okay. But when you're feeling all sorts of discomfort, it seems like time stopped turning.

I was so glad when my first trimester ended and I was finally on my second trimester. My first three months of pregnancy was really, really difficult so you could just imagine my joy when the first-tri symptoms started to disappear one by one. No more nausea, fatigue was less, I could finally keep myself awake for an entire movie, I was able to keep the food I eat inside my body.

My second trimester was more relaxed. And I loved every minute of it. My pregnant tummy started to show. Baby Issen started doing acrobats inside and I could feel him move around. I have more energy and life. I was definitely happier.

But then, I guess all good things really do come to an end. Just as I was enjoying my new-found energy, I reached my third trimester.

I started feeling a new batch of pregnancy-caused discomforts. My wit disappeared as my good friend Fatigue came back. I am so dull I sometimes wonder if I have been abducted by extraterrestial beings and replaced my brain with that of (insert name of famous stupid person here).

I've been losing sleep because my bulging tummy keeps on getting in the way of a comfortable sleeping position. And Issen's cartwheels in the middle of the night aren't helping at all. My back is constantly aching. I can't keep a good posture as the weight of my tummy dictates that I swoop down or slouch whether I'm standing or sitting down.

And a lot more.

With all the difficulties I'm going through, I have but one wish: that good ol' time would do me a favor, fly again, and speed things up. I don't wanna be pregnant anymore. I just want to get this over with.

Add to that the excitement I feel of finally having Issen in my arms.

Mr. Frost reminded me of Rachel of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Remember the episode when Rachel's pregnancy goes beyond her projected delivery date and the pain makes her increasingly irritable? I may not be due to give birth until about ten more weeks, but I suddenly understood how she was feeling.

And of course, when you want time to slow down, it does just exactly the opposite. I have this feeling that the next couple of months would be the longest in my life.

Thank God I'm not being too much of a bitch to drive people around me crazy. Or at least I think I'm handling this pretty much better than Rachel did.

Instead of making people flee by nursing a chip on my shoulder, I keep people away with my obsession with everything that has something to do with Issen.

No, I don't regularly do that. Just a couple of times when I'm being pestered by somebody I don't like in the first place. I talk nonstop about my plans for the baby, my quest for the perfect breast pump, Issen's new dance moves, my baptismal plans, the ninongs and the ninangs, EVERYTHING. I am so evil.

But yes, I am indeed obsessing over those things right now. That's sort of my way to deal with the bitch who's trying to come out and walk over everyone within reach just because she can get away with it by being pregnant. Endlessly thinking about what I'm gonna do as soon as Issen comes keeps me from noticing my aching back and lack of sleep.

But I don't rub it on everyone's faces. Minsan lang, and almost always only to Mr. Frost.

Have to end this now as I still have to continue my quest for the perfect breast pump.

Manual or electronic? Suggestions are welcome!

And then the blow came at the end...
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Alright, this blog update has been long overdue. A lot of things should have been recorded here, but no. My thoughts has been scattered and my dullness has persisted. Indeed, stupidity has been my worst pregnancy symptom. (This is proven normal, check out this feature on

I have been addicted to a new puzzle game. Thanks to somebody from our Finance Department, I got really hooked on Mystery Case Files - Huntsville.

Sorry, I can't resist the urge to brag about my total time record

See my badge? I'm a Master Detective!

As soon as finished it, I discovered its sequel, Mystery Case Files - Prime Suspects. I didn't stop until I got a copy of that game.

This game is driving me crazy! So addicting!

Turned out that the sequel was waaaaaaay harder than the prequel. But it's okay. I'm hoping the game would bring my temporarily-dead brain cells back to life.


Happy birthday to Charie!

Charie was my thesis partner back in college. My partner in crime, my soulmate, my kumare...

She's in Dubai right now, and I certainly hope she's doing fine. The b*tch, she said in her blog that she's having a hard time adjusting there but she hasn't dropped a line to me yet.

Peklat, never forget that whatever happens, my shoulder is always ready for you to lean on, my ears ready to listen, my arms ready to comfort you...

I miss you...


My self-esteem just got a hard blow from a news I just received. I was kinda hoping that a favorable response would somehow strengthen my confidence regarding my financial stability. As fate would have it, I didn't get that favorable response.

I guess I just expected too much. Oh well. Shit happens.

Let's move on to the next party, shall we?


Going through the motions
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
There are a lot of things I miss doing. If I may be blunt about this, there are times that I feel I'm missing out on so many things.

I miss going out. I miss having a couple of drinks at any smoke-filled room. I miss hanging out with some friends. I miss bonding with selected office people over cigarette breaks. I miss watching scary and gory films and discussing the details with the Wednesday Group. I miss being swamped with work and being able to enjoy the stress it brings.

There are times when Mr. Frost gets invited to somebody's place or some event. I don't get invited because the place would be full of cigarette smoke, making it an off-limits area for somebody breeding another human being inside her tummy.

And so I don't go. And I feel sorry for myself because although I know our friends mean well by not having me there, I feel left out. It's like being in grade school all over again, when I was always not invited by my "cool and popular" classmates to their activities.

There are times when there are juicy stuff to be discussed over cigarette breaks and I'd only find out about them in the evening. And I won't get the full details because the issue is not so "hot" anymore by the time I hear about it, making the small details not worth retelling.

And so I'm almost always not "in the know." And I feel sorry for myself because although our friends don't intend to exclude me from the discussions, I feel left out. It's like being 8 years old all over again, when we just moved to a new place and they kids don't trust me yet with their childish rumors and issues because I am, after all, a new kid.

Whenever I feel sorry for myself, I think about how my life has changed, courtesy of my pregnancy. Although the moment I saw those two pink lines I already accepted that my life will never be the same again, it is only now that I am fully understanding the reality of that change.

It is only now that I am grasping the idea that this change isn't temporary. The idea that even after I give birth, there is no going back to my old ways and old days. It can be a little scary sometimes, but generally, I have taken in and welcomed with open arms this concept of "evolution" in my life.

I'm sure almost every pregnant woman pretty much have felt what I'm feeling right now, in one way or another, at some point in their pregnancy. It can be considered as another adjustment period for us, this time more on the mental and psychological state.

I know it's just a matter of perspective, but I wish people would just leave me alone when I'm going through the motions of adjustment.

And it is during these times when I start feeling so unnecessarily and irrationally depressed and sorry for myself.

But don't get me wrong because I am not complaining and I am most absolutely not regretting being in my present situation. I am happy and excited about the arrival of Baby Issen. So happy and very much excited.

I'm just going through the motions.


Who is ISSEN?
Thursday, August 10, 2006
One of my birthday countdown posts was entitled "Naming Baby Frost," and it was about, well, naming Baby Frost.

I still am not gonna tell you what the name I was referring to in that post. But what I can tell you is the nickname Mr. Frost and I have agreed on to give him.

No matter what name Mr. Frost and I decide on, Baby Frost's nickname will be ISSEN (pronounced as ee-sen).

Issen is the term for a special Japanese martial arts move. As for where the hell I got that, can you say Onimusha?

I got the idea of having that as his nickname because the first syllable of The Name (from now on, this will refer to the name I've set my heart on for Baby Frost) sounds a lot like issen. By the way, The Name is of German origin. (Great, I'm dropping clues now. Be patient enough and you'll discover what The Name is through the clues I unconsciously give on my blog posts. Hehehehe. )

Add to that the fact that I like that Japanese term so much ever since Mr. Frost told me he's so proud of me to have learned that move quickly, and that not everyone can do that move at will because of its difficulty. Ah yeah!

Now Baby Frost has a nickname. I can't wait to announce what his full name is and watch with amusement as people twist their tongues trying to pronounce correctly The Name. Hahahaha!

Mr. Frost levels up!
As I mentioned in my previous entry, Mr. Frost has been promoted at work. He now heads the marketing team of two of our company's products. Needless to say, we're very happy about this progress in his career.

Congratulations, Daddy! You've made the Frost family so proud!

Of course, with great power comes great responsibility (yuck, how original ). Things are definitely gonna change, routines will be broken while new ones will be formed. But that's okay, as we've already prepared ourselves for what we agreed is best for our family.

I went to my OB this morning for my regular prenatal check up. Mr. Frost couldn't go with me because he has to attend the regular mancomm meeting scheduled on Mondays and Thursdays. That means Mr. Frost can't go to any of my succeeding check-ups as the OB is available only during Mondays AND Thursdays. What were the chances of that?

So Mr. Frost had to go straight to the office this morning, while I get on another cab to go to the hospital. A couple of minutes later, he sent me a text message, thanking me for the wonderful breakfast I prepared for him this morning, and saying how he wished he could go with me.

During the first couple of days, it seemed hard for me and I was feeling all neglected and hungry for attention. Plus, my pregnancy hormones aren't helping, making me feel depressed and "kawawa" (sorry for one's self) more often than usual . But I do realize that we are still adjusting to our new daily grind. Give me a few more days and I should be back to normal.

Seriously, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I'm very happy for Mr. Frost and I consider this as a big blessing to us. I just sound sad (I do, don't I?) because. like I said, I'm feeling depressed more often these past few days.

Issen is hungry. Got to feed him now.

(What? I haven't told you who Issen is? Crap! I'll do so as soon as I get back from lunch.)

Yesterday once more
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
I know I'm supposed to give you the low-down on the things I listed on my previous entry, but I can't help myself but share with you how wonderful my day ended yesterday.

Mr. Frost has been really busy that although we work in the same company, in the same building, on the same floor, we hardly saw each other the whole day. We did have lunch together, though, which was so sweet as we hardly do that for several weeks now. But that's another story. Anyway, after lunch, we saw each other again when it was time to go home.

He was in meetings the whole afternoon that we didn't even had the chance to chat on Yahoo like we always do. I was a so used to chatting with him when workload is light, so when he was not online yesterday, I had nobody to chat with.

My pregnancy hormones fucked up my emotions as well so I was feeling unreasonbly neglected and sorry for myself. My irritation grew worse when my back started to ache (another pregnancy thing, thank you very much) and I wanted to go home, but Mr. Frost still had last-minute work to do and we can't leave till at least an hour.

When we got in the cab on the way home, Mr. Frost drove away all the irritation and negative emotions with his hug and by being his usual sweet self. He even thanked me being his inspiration at work. That he's sorry if I felt he neglected me. I explained that he doesn't have to say sorry. It's his work and of all people, I should understand how demanding his new position can be. (Yes, Mr. Frost has been promoted. Yey! Details later.) He told me not to worry because as soon as we get home, he'll be giving me the back rub I've been craving for the whole day.

And that's what I got, the best back rub ever!

When we got home, we settled down and watched a couple of episodes of My Name Is Earl. It stars Jason Lee, one of our favorite celebrities, whom I've first seen in films directed and produced by Mr. Frost's favorite filmmaker, Kevin Smith, Silent Bob himself. It was so relaxing, having a good laugh after a long day's work, while Mr. Frost giving me a back rub.

After that, Mr. Frost sang me our usual goodnight song and gave me the sweetest kiss in the world before hitting the sack.

What a love-filled, wonderful way to end an otherwise so-so day.

I can't wait to spend another quality time with my Frost family tonight.

Fourteen days in the twilight zone
Monday, August 07, 2006
It's about two weeks since my last entry, which I posted on my birthday.

A lot of things happened - things worthy of all the acknowledgement and recognition I could give, or at least, things that I wanted to share with everyone... But alas, my ability to string sensible words together took a vacation again. It's not back yet, but I decided to post an entry to let you know that I still exist.

I owe you people these stories:
- Mr. Frost's birthday gifts (the improvised cake wasn't the last one!)
- Baby Frost's nickname
- My new art hobby
- Baby Frost's latest ultrasound image
- Our blessings

Those are the ones on top of my head, but there are definitely more stuff that happened over the past two weeks.

Really, I'm not feeling so good lately I practically forced myself to be literate enough to be able to come up with this pathetic entry.

I promise I'll have more stuff on my next post.