Going through the motions
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
There are a lot of things I miss doing. If I may be blunt about this, there are times that I feel I'm missing out on so many things.

I miss going out. I miss having a couple of drinks at any smoke-filled room. I miss hanging out with some friends. I miss bonding with selected office people over cigarette breaks. I miss watching scary and gory films and discussing the details with the Wednesday Group. I miss being swamped with work and being able to enjoy the stress it brings.

There are times when Mr. Frost gets invited to somebody's place or some event. I don't get invited because the place would be full of cigarette smoke, making it an off-limits area for somebody breeding another human being inside her tummy.

And so I don't go. And I feel sorry for myself because although I know our friends mean well by not having me there, I feel left out. It's like being in grade school all over again, when I was always not invited by my "cool and popular" classmates to their activities.

There are times when there are juicy stuff to be discussed over cigarette breaks and I'd only find out about them in the evening. And I won't get the full details because the issue is not so "hot" anymore by the time I hear about it, making the small details not worth retelling.

And so I'm almost always not "in the know." And I feel sorry for myself because although our friends don't intend to exclude me from the discussions, I feel left out. It's like being 8 years old all over again, when we just moved to a new place and they kids don't trust me yet with their childish rumors and issues because I am, after all, a new kid.

Whenever I feel sorry for myself, I think about how my life has changed, courtesy of my pregnancy. Although the moment I saw those two pink lines I already accepted that my life will never be the same again, it is only now that I am fully understanding the reality of that change.

It is only now that I am grasping the idea that this change isn't temporary. The idea that even after I give birth, there is no going back to my old ways and old days. It can be a little scary sometimes, but generally, I have taken in and welcomed with open arms this concept of "evolution" in my life.

I'm sure almost every pregnant woman pretty much have felt what I'm feeling right now, in one way or another, at some point in their pregnancy. It can be considered as another adjustment period for us, this time more on the mental and psychological state.

I know it's just a matter of perspective, but I wish people would just leave me alone when I'm going through the motions of adjustment.

And it is during these times when I start feeling so unnecessarily and irrationally depressed and sorry for myself.

But don't get me wrong because I am not complaining and I am most absolutely not regretting being in my present situation. I am happy and excited about the arrival of Baby Issen. So happy and very much excited.

I'm just going through the motions.

's thoughts were ambushed at 6:40 PM

5 wisecracks:

  • At 10:39 AM, Blogger shalaganda's ambushed thoughts were:

    basta ang imporatante, maganda ka at cute ang anak mo. kesehodang nde ka makalanghap ng 2nd hand-smoke at makadighay ng san mig. ang mga nde mabuntis, baog! ang mga friends ay concerned lng sa baga ng baby mo. anorexic ka na nga, gugustuhin ba naming maging malnourished inaanak namin????? HA???

    alam mong pag nagmamaganda ka tulad ngayon, u can always email me. love u.

  • At 10:39 AM, Blogger shalaganda's ambushed thoughts were:

    IMPORTANTE pala...retarded magtype si SHALA

  • At 11:12 AM, Blogger aMbUsH101's ambushed thoughts were:

    kaya nga sabi ko sa last paragraph di ba, masaya ako at hindi ako nagrereklamo. nagmamaganda lang. :D

    thanks for the reassurance that no matter how far apart we are, we can always run to each other for support anytime, just like the old days. loveyou.

  • At 11:24 PM, Blogger arevalos's ambushed thoughts were:

    haay sis... kahit nde ako exactly maka-relate, i understand... ganyan talaga :) you're joining a league that's so different and challenging... and leaving (sort of) the old you with those who can't relate yet... behind :)

    i think same din when i try and go out w/ single friends... and feel OP... kasi eventhough we can still laugh and gossip and all that... we're just coming from different perspectives now... :)

  • At 4:10 PM, Blogger Heidi's ambushed thoughts were:

    Hi there Meng! Long time no chat! Anyway, congrats on everything... and don't fret about what you miss out on... just think of what you could look forward to when your baby comes out! Stay happy!